Miss USA Tara Conner

Thank God for Miss USA Tara Conner, she of the last minute reprieve from Donald Trump allowing her to keep her crown despite testing positive for cocaine use and popping up all over the tabloids drunk as a skunk.

Joy Behar read off the list of charges against her this week on The View, and when she got to the part where Tara stuck her tongue down Miss Teen USA’s throat in some club, Rosie’s ears perked up… ‘Really? Now that I did not Know,’ she chimed in with that bubbly bravado she used to save only for Tom Cruise. And I’m sure a thousand ladies watching from behind their ironing boards at home reached for their Metamucil.

Sorry to burst your bubble Rosie, but something tells me the beauty queen lip lock was less a tender Sapphic moment that perfect fodder for Girls Gone Wild: The B-grade Celebrity Edition. Plus, what better excuse for them to put their passion on tape than the full stocked pad Tara came into when she took home the crown. Part of her grand prize is a year’s stay in New York’s Trump Plaza… anybody got a camera?

But the real drama came a day later when, after the Trumpster gave Tara a last minute repreive, Rosie went off... and then Donald went off, calling Rosie a fat idiot who should watch what comes out of her mouth and threatening to sue her. This is more drama than Rosie vs. kelly vs. Clay. Stay tuned.

In more news of youngun’s who go completely nuts when someone turns a camcorder on them, the 11-thousandth season of The Real World features yet more people who lose their tempers when they knock back a few too many.

Davis, who I have to admit is damn near the cutest thing ever cast on that damn show, may be a gorgeous man with a steady boyfriend, but he’s also a gorgeous gay drunk man with a steady boyfriend. That’s OK, cuz so are Tyrie and Stephen, and last week, when someone in a bar called Stephen the N word and Davis “didn’t hear him”, he leaves. Stephen jumps to conclusions and thinks Davis just ignored the whole thing, so back at the house (in the hot tub, but of course), Tyrie confronts him.

OK, now here’s the thing. ‘Hey, did you hear what those guys at the bar said to Stephen?' That’s how most people would address the situation. But on The Real World, Tyrie goes all Mike Tyson on his ass, gets up in a pathetically intoxicated Davis’ face, and demands answers.

Just like you don’t demand answers of an angry black man when you’re drunk, you don’t demand answers of an alcoholic gay boy when he’s drunk, so as you’ve probably already predicted, the shit hit the fan. The fight starts with Tyrie believing that Davis intentionally left Stephen alone on the street to fend for himself and threatening to whoop his punk ass escalates when Tyrie, trying to walk away from the situation, is bombarded with requests from Davis to hit him.

You “punk-ass, LFO-wannabe, fake-ass, ‘NSync, punk ass Backsteet boy-looking bitch,” Tyrie calls him at one point. Now what kind of straight black man even remembers who the hell LFO is? That’s so friggin’ gay!

If you’re having trouble believing this all went down, check out the preview for yourselves. They show this thing like a million times a week on MTV anyway… just check your local listings. View clip here.

Stephen, who’s the one who started this whole mess, corners Davis and asks him simply if he heard the guy call him the name. Davis, calming down for a nanosecond, assures Stephen that if he’d ever heard someone call him that name, he’d have flipped out on his ass.

Ah, but it’s too late. Tyrie and Davis have already taken their battle of words (and soon to be fists) to a level that makes no damn sense—I don’t even think they know what the hell they’re fighting about anymore—Tyrie threatens to give Davis the beating of his life and Davis, from 0-60, goes from begging Tyrie to beat him down to telling producers he’s leaving because he no longer feels safe in the house. And then the clincher. Davis screams, “I’m going home tomorrow because some n****r wants to kill me.” Even more shocking—the fact that MTV chose not to bleep the word.

The following morning—typical morning after banter on The Real World. The three men have a man to man to man talk in which Davis says he’s leaving the show to deal with hi drinking problem. Tyrie and Stephen urge him to stay so they can all learn from the experience. Frankly, it all seems a tad forced to me, and I’d like to point out that I think almost everyone in the history of The Real World has a drinking problem, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen two folks so out of control producers had to intervene.

Tyrie needs to check his temper at the door and Davis, hottie gay or not, needs to knock back a few less next time he ventures out on the town.

Things are no less calm over in the fictional world of Pine Valley. There’s a killer on the loose, and folks are mistaking the ethereal, evolved nature of Brit rocker Zarf (Jeffrey Carlson) for killer instinct. Thankfully, one person sees the real Zarf—Bianca (Eden Riegel), which could because they have more in common than she knows.

As fans of All My Children know, the daughter of Erica Kane (Susan Lucci) is gay. As we previously announced on this site, Zarf is transgender and finds in Bianca the kindred spirit she’s been longing to connect with.

That never became more evident than on this week’s episode when Zarf, desperate to make a connection with Bianca, begs her to see past the exterior—then kisses her. Bianca says she feels nothing, but it raises so many questions—questions I truly hope All My Children will tackle as they continue to develop Zarf. Riegel is a wonderful actress, and her connection with Carlson was almost immediate.

And for Bianca fans quick to excuse Carlson’s entrance as a way of throwing her lesbian storyline under the bus, remember this—the fact their making a transgender woman fall for a lesbian is an even more risky storyline to explore than AMC’s ever tackled before.

Though I must admit, I’m getting a tad sick of Zarf and her Party Monster getups. But their might be an explaination. Check back on GayWired.com tomorrow for our exclusive interview with Carlson.

Finally, most of you know by now that I’ll find any excuse to post photos of my future husband, Channing Tatum. He’s not gay—I don’t think he’s ever even played gay. But he did launch his career as a model in runway shows from New York to Milan, so I’m sure he’s spent much of his professional life surrounded by the gays. In that respect, that makes him eligible to appear in this column... particularly since he popped up this week on VH1’s Hottest Celebrities of 2006 special. You know only the gays and the girls watch that, so that makes you gay enough this week, gorgeous.

Tune in next week when we countdown the gayest moments on TV in 2006. Until then, happy holidays.