Penelope Cruz

As 2006 draws to a close, some celebs like Martha Stewart are reflective with a bit of that ìAuld Lang Sine,î fondly recalling their would-be, lesbian prison hook-ups. Still others live for the moment, such as Miss Party Girl USA, nabbed for coke and same-sex kissesóand itís not Lindsay Lohan. Actually, Lindsay's preparing for a role in 2007, emulating strippers and proudly mounting the poleófor dancing, that is.

Forget about that end of the year self-assessment and New Yearís resolutions to become a better you. December ushers in Menorahís, prezzies under the tree and drunken New Yearís champagne kisses with strangers, but best of all it marks the onset of Awards Season with the Golden Globe nominations.

A quintet of fine actresses, packing plenty of gorgeous golden globes among them, in the Best Actress in a Drama category start the season off with a much-appreciated bang. And the nominees are... Spanish siren and Salma Hayekís playmate Penelope Cruz for her cleavage-bearing tour-de-force in Volver; Dame Judi Dench for her portrayal of a repressed psycho-dyke infatuated with Cate Blanchett in Notes On a Scandal; Maggie Gyllenhaalóbest known for her turn as the quintessential submissive in Secretaryóin Sherrybaby; ageless and brainy British bombshell Helen Mirren in The Queen; and winsome Kate Winslet as a horny housewife in Little Children. Save for Gyllenhaal, all of the noms have gone Sapphic on celluloid.

Winsletís auspicious debut as a homicidal teen with lesbian tendencies in Heavenly Creatures had the gay girls hot and botheredóparticularly by how naughty it feels to be hot for a killer teen. And Winslet, an actress who canít manage to keep her clothes on for a role, played the young bi-sexual with a bad haircut Iris Murdoch in Iris, while the grand Dame Dench portrayed the older Murdochó but with a slightly better coiffure.

Dame Mirren wooed Kyra Sedgwick in the Virginia Woolf inspired Losing Chase. And the saucy Ms. Cruz climbed into one side of Charlize Theronís bed to round out a three-way relationship in Head in the Clouds. This yearís awards season hormone factor gets a bolster from The Good Shepard release this weekend, with the Holy Order of Hotnessí patron saint Angelina Jolie, hitting the press circuit to render talk show hosts speechless and drooling. Maybe she and Little Miss Winslet can hit the couch together on Ellen or The View.

Where does a misbehaved Miss USA go when a certain Mr. Trump canít stop her from hitting the coke, downing shots, flashing her tiara at the bar and tonguing Miss Teen USA? Why rehab of course, at the behest of Donald Trumpóoverseer of the Miss USA Empire.

Magnanimous Mr. Trump announced that the 21-year-old Kentuckian party-girl Tara Conner could keep the crown as long as she sports it in rehab long enough for the public to believe sheís mended her wild ways.

However, drinking and drugs arenít the only cause for concern over Connerís role-model status. Like a straight manís porno fantasy, Connerís been spotted in public lip locks with 18-year old Miss Teen USA Katie Blair. And the naughty nymphets are said to retire to Connerís digs at Trump Place to build their love nest.

Meanwhile, everyoneís fave happy homemaker and total control freak Martha Stewart admitted to lesbian-obsessed Howard Stern that she engaged in some inadvertent lesbian voyeurism during her prison vacation.

Between her prison dinner parties, Stewart occasionally espied the ladies in fumbling behind the prison laundry. Generally tightly wound Stewart revealed to Stern that the butch women, some with mustaches and beards, often invited her to dine with them.

She swore she never indulged in lady-love and refused to touch on her big-house masturbation practices when he asked. She did profess an affinity for the Thumper vibratoróstrictly for massage purposes. Surely, a nice butch helped Stewart pick up her hand-scented soap on a macramÈ rope in the shower once or twice.

A slave to her art, Lindsay Lohanís garnered a new respect for strippers after riding a pole for three hours in stripper school to prepare for her upcoming role in I Know Who Killed Me.

The wild-child mean girl, better known for her off-screen antics these days, despite good work in the film Bobby, can look forward to another five weeks of pole-related inner and outer thigh bruising in Sheila Kellyís ìS Factor: Aerobic Striptease Workout and Pole Dancingî class. Sluts and players beware!

Ilene Chaiken, the top brain behind The L Word, has joined forces with Jennifer Beals, Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig to bring Aliceís chart of interconnection, general sluttiness, and STDís to life.

This January, Chaiken and the gang will launch OurChart.com, to offer an interactive online social space for lesbians to interconnect and engage in the community, allowing users to connect ìhobbies, communities and, if they choose, their love lives,î Chaiken said.

Egads! If you havenít already, run, run far away from any hubs of interconnected sex you might have created during misguided debaucheries at the local lesbian bar or womenís college.